falling in love…. again….

to never have loved is to never have lived.

the first time you truly fall in love… real love… it is a whirlwind experience.  everything is new and special and you truly believe that nothing can ever top this.  everyday your heart is on the brink of explosion with all the warm emotions you harbor inside.  your days are filled with an unearthly light and even your low days are worth it all as long as you can keep feeling this love.  you give it your all and do anything to feed this love to make it grow yet little do you know this love has sprouted roots and the taller it grows towards the sky the deeper its roots dig into your core. .. but it’s ok because you are in love.  the dark days are irrelevant to your life and so you keep loving fiercely… fearlessly.  

sometimes being naive creates something beautiful.

unfortunately first loves aren’t always last loves.  when its cut out… even when it is torn out… the roots have gone so deep down that you will never be rid of them.  whenever the name of the person is mentioned when you are reminded of that love… you will always be affected.  you will always care and hold a small place in your heart for that love. 

the hard part isn’t getting over that person… it’s not even getting over the love… the hardest part about an ended love is to conjure up the energy to love again because now you are wiser…. you know better… you know that no matter how beautiful love is there is an ugly side to it.  you are aware of the stakes and have become jaded.  you would do anything to feel that warmth again to feel it creep up and invade your whole inner being.  it’s not that you are scared to love again… you are just so tired… exhausted…   what was attained so effortlessly has now become quite demanding of your limited supply of emotional energy.

they say the only way to get over a love is to love again.  i say easier said than done!

but then again… it’s worth every bit of energy spent.

the assumption that she wouldn’t was so secure in the mind that the fool had failed to realize that she was never asked if she would in the first place.

why didn’t you ever ASK?!  you may not have gotten the answer you so confidently assumed out of me. 

just like my geometry teacher said, “never assume because it’ll make an ASS out of U and ME.“

although going through withdrawal of something that was once assumed to always be there really stinks… you’d be amazed at how quickly adapting to a new situation kicks in… and then everything is going smoothly once more. 

your silliness tickles me… but don’t get it twisted honey… i’m laughing at you… not with you.

meow.

i’m in love!  c’est amour!

who wants to watch it again? i’m willing to watch it til my eyes fall out.   

fun facts: the king was the guy from tomb raider.. and xerxes is none other than rodrigo santoro and the queen none other than the crazy but beautiful angelika from brothers grimm. OH and the guy with one eye… hint: LOTR! i’m so glad they didn’t use any big stars… it was perfectly cast!

frank miller is SO badasss! spartans are even MORE badass!  the more you read on them… the more fascinating they become.  <3

question of the year…. where have all the manly men gone? 

i overheard an older couple discussing gender roles these days and the man says ” it’s as though men and women have switched roles.” fyi… this was an intellectual conversation about culture in our society not some accusing convo men vs. women. which made it worse… :T

prove me wrong.  i beg you.  please.

my birthday:

imax to watch 300 again with james.  still in love with those spartans.

jones with my lovelies.

surprise at bluefin.

twas so very lovely… really more than i could have asked for.

i am truly truly blessed.

this weekend when i was celebrating i was wondering why it didn’t really seem like a big deal and i realized it was because i am so blessed with wonderful friends that everyday is just as fantastic as my birthday… the only difference is that i get to say “HEY IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!”

“what’s a pretty lil thing like you doing without a man?”

can i live?!

ask me again why i’m single… see where THAT gets you!

this glorious freedom is NOT going to be given up for just anybody. believe that.

 my parents are complete opposites when it comes to perception….

the discussion of ppl who indulge in gluttony and become obese came up while we were having sunday brunch/lunch and here goes the convo:

dad: fat ppl stay fat because they are lazy.

mom: NO! they are dilligent in eating!

haha. same concept, different views. 

where do i fall amongst this range? smack in the middle.  practicing an open mind is so easy when there is so much diversity in your household to begin with.  this is how i was raised… this is what i know best.. but i can extend myself, reach for more, take away with me the good, study the reason of the bad and leave the useless behind.

i found myself recognizing that i am equally my mother’s daughter as well as my father’s daughter. 

all in all… i am blessed.

side note: a class on relationship and codependency should be a requirement in all colleges.

my birthday is coming up and i just really really wish jane could be here for it.  i know i don’t call her enough and not nearly as much as i’d like to but i really miss her. 

somebody please develop a transportation device and then donate it to me. thanks.

when something/place/body is bringing you down.  break away. 

sometimes it’s hard to start over but it is absolutely necessary. 

you have written 10 pages and when you look back you realize they are not up to par and you are completely unhappy with those 10 pages what do you do? do you go back and try to tweak and hope it comes out better?  or maybe you just continue on and hope the next 10 pages will make you happier? or do you throw it all away and start all over and half ass again? or do you recollect yourself, take some writing classes and start over with a better sense of confidence?

when you throw it away and start over SURE it’s tough. especially when all you are thinking is “damn i’m back at 0″ but when you start writing and realize it’s the best stuff you have ever written you will soon find yourself at page 30 and just can’t wait for the next 1000000 pages to be written. 

fyi: this is NOT just about relationship… i would hope that there is more to any woman than being successful at love. thanks.  this is about anything you have established in your life that you are unhappy with.

btw: i am so tired of ppl asking me why i am single… no offense but you appear to me as being extremely small minded when you think life is all about being with someone.  i’m single by choice because i want to be deserving of an amazing man. 

 maybe you think i aim too high… but maybe you just aim too low. 

my mom is friends with a girl in her painting class named mizuki.  she’s a japanese “yuhakseng” and my mom says mizuki reminds her of me.  so if you see a girl that looks like me on tyler campus… yell out “OHIO MIZUKI CHAN!” and photograph the expression on her face… then email it to me. thanks. ^^  i have yet to meet a girl that looks like she could be my sister.  i’m curious!!!

fekkai rocks.

like a little doll.

i wish i could nap like dogs do.  doesn’t joey’s hair rock?!

when it doesn’t feel right. reconsider. ya digs?

 sidenote: my bookcase is full… i need another one. 

this cold cold weather makes me so sluggish… i really really dislike it.  :[

i just realized a lot of things about myself... one of them being... i really really dislike the cold.  it only makes me seek warmth.  the colder it is the harder i seek.  i do however, enjoy playing in the snow. ^^ 

"As you can see, I've worn a lot of shoes in my life. It's time to focus on me for awhile and go barefoot."

-kitty-

i used to feel just like julia roberts' character in "runaway bride" but now it's pretty exciting to finally get to know myself and my likes and dislikes and my behavior and my beliefs and all that wonderful stuffs that makes me who i am.  now i know what i should improve and what i should never let go of. 

when it comes to relationships... you multiply...

1whole person x 1whole persone = 1whole relationship

1/2person x 1/2 person = 1/4 of a relationship.

before you jump into a relationship or even if you are in one right now... remember that you should never lose sight of yourself... the whole "i don't know where i end and you begin" that can be unhealthy.  your unhappiness in yourself will only affect yourself and your partner negatively.  so if you don't think you are worthy of happiness atleast think about the well being of your partner.  [if you don't think you deserve good then thats a whole other problem in itself].  how can you share with anyone your inner being if you don’t even know your own inner being?!!  you should be able to know where your boundaries are… what you are willing and unwilling to compromise.  relationships require adaptation but the most important key to that is the desire to adapt and change… you should want to do it not only for your partner but for yourself as well.  doing something or becoming someone or liking something b/c your partner wants you to can be done with good intentions but will blow up in your face later… your partner should respect your boundaries and should understand that just because you don’t like the same hobbies or music doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.  personal space is key.  remember you must learn to love yourself before you love another.  besides… if your partner really loves you he/she will only want whats best for you and that’s a fact.   

being alone is not necessarily lonely.  i’ve been alone for quite some time and i have yet to feel true loneliness. 

i can enjoy my own company.  can you? 

 if you are truly happy then it doesn’t matter what the outside world has to say about it. 

you only begin to sway when you are no longer sure.

aaaaaaaaaaaand that’s all i have to say … for now.

i wants that. please? thanks.

hint: saksfifthavenue.com  ^-^V